2014

It's the last day of 2014.

And man, did this year suck.

But hey, there were a lot of great things that happened, too!

Like:

~Passed all my exams (even math, and I took it without a calculator)
~Came out as trans and I'm not that sad anymore
~More internet friends! The cool egg squad expanded to include an Estonian veloceraptor and the big emo from Illinois
~Joined Drama club (my people man)
~ASM for my first show! Tempest is probs my favourite Shakespeare play now
~Co-prop leader for my second show! Addams family and there are a lot of props
~Really got into Weezer
~Finally got Portal 2! It's great I love it
~Found the band Harvey Danger
~Saw Panic! at the Disco live! It was great nothing can top that
~My art skills improved a bunch like wow
~Found my favourite photograph in an Elle magazine it's hanging right beside me right now
~BRO I DISCOVERED THE JOYS OF NEUROSCIENCE
~This year was shitty but it had some great individual moments
~Also Tasmyn is truly a treasure thats what I've concluded this year
-Mark

Two Years

Guess what, lovelies? It's been two years of this bullshit.

Two years of you guys reading my angsty shitfest I call a blog.

I salute you.

In commemoration of these two years, I'll give you two pictures of me: one from when I started the blog, and one from last night.

Character development, am I right?

-Mark

Whatever

Everything's exciting 'til it happens.

Then it's just boring.

Then you're standing around wondering why you even went when you could be at home in your pajamas watching netflix on the couch.

And then you realize, if you'd passed it up and spent the day at home, you'd just spend the whole time wondering what it would have been like to go.

So, instead of doing anything useful - or anything fun - I stay home and feel vaguely sad while marathoning the same anime and eating obscene amounts of cereal to fill the void.

Whatever.
-Mark

Fuck Gender Roles

I don't actually consider myself to be any gender. Honestly, I think gender is stupid. Why have a gender? What's the point of all this segregation between pink and blue when, in reality, we're all just people with different parts that are only there for waste excretion and sexual reproduction (the last bit not even being mandatory)?

So, I'll properly introduce myself this way: my name is Mark, I use he/him/his pronouns, I like to wear skin-tight jeans and occasionally make-up, maybe a dress every now and then. I destroy gender roles and look pretty damn good while doing so. Especially in the tight jeans, they make my butt look good tbh.

Anyone who tells me I can't dress like I do or wear make-up because it "doesn't correspond with my gender" (or rather, name and pronouns) will be shown the door out of my life, I don't need their negative ass around.

I encourage the rest of you to do the same, should anyone attempt to stop you from being, y'know, you. The same old song and dance.

But seriously, don't be gross, it's their life, not yours.
-Mark

Let's Face It: I'm a 2005 Emo

I'm nothing short of an emo loser at this point.

Today is the first day in months I've worn colours other than black and various shades of grey. Still, it is only a blue minecraft/avengers shirt.

My music has been a steady stream of Weezer, Harvey Danger, and My Chemical Romance with some Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, and Foo Fighters mixed in.

All I've read so far this month have been Homestuck upd8s and The Perks of Being a Wallflower (like I haven't read that book enough already).

I've played only Elder Scrolls games lately (mostly Skyrim, a little bit of Oblivion. Luke suggested I play Marrowind), I've played Minecraft on my laptop but it's hell on Earth since I don't have a mouse. Or rather, a decent mouse. I have my brother's old wireless mouse. You can see the problem with that, yes?

Let's face it. I'm a fucking loser whose stuck in 2005.

Bring on the eyeliner.
-Mark

I'm Just a Loser Who Likes Bands a Little Too Much

I've only listened to Weezer, Harvey Danger, and My Chemical Romance these past few months. Well, almost only.

I'm not exactly complaining, however. The only question I have at this point: should I add My Chemical Romance to my list of favourite bands? Or should I not, if only to hide the fact that I'm emo trash? Decisions, decisions.

Although no one's asking - the hypothetical questions have all been, in my mind, voiced by Adam Buckley as someone asking an advice columnist - I'll list my favourite bands (this is practically a diary at this point anyways. Should I start posts with 'dear webpage' from now on?)

Alesana
Brasstronaut
Harvey Danger
Weezer

That's in chronological order (by when they were added to the list) as well as alphabetical. The world is a magical place.
-Mark

Just More Proof that I'm a Loser

Whenever I've turned out my light and crawled under the covers to do the nightly ritual called 'sleeping', I like to turn on my current favourite album and play it on repeat a few times through.

'Doesn't that take a while? How can you listen to one album on repeat over and over again?'

One, yes it does take quite a while. During that time, I'm slowly drifting to sleep. Just before I drift entirely, I hit pause. Two, it's easy. If it's really your favourite album, you'll want to listen to it constantly.

Currently, the album of choice is Weezer's Make Believe (AKA the one with Beverly Hills on it).

That's all I've got tonight.
-Mark

Albums and Yet More Enlightenment as to What this Internet Loser is Really Like

Everyone has those albums they can listen to straight through without skipping any songs, myself included. Since I'm a self-absorbed ass who assumes all who come here want to hear the boring details of my mundane life, I'll list them:
Weezer (Blue Album) - Weezer
Pinkerton - Weezer
Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys - My Chemical Romance
Analog Heart - David Cook
Lovers Come Back - Happy Chichester
Pretty. Odd. - Panic! at the Disco
Where Have All the Merrymakers Gone? - Harvey Danger
The Emptiness - Alesana
On Frail Wings of Wax and Vanity - Alesana
Where Myth Fades to Legend - Alesana
Mean Sun - Brasstronaut
We Met at Sea - The Pigeon Detectives
Make Believe - Weezer

You've been enlightened on my music taste. Do with this information as you please.

Also note that around 80-90% of the clothes I wear are black and used to wear smudged eyeliner on a regular basis and stopped only because I could never rise early enough before school to get it done.

'But it takes, like, two minutes' Yes, I know - I'm a piece of shit who can't force themselves to do anything. This isn't new information.
-Mark

I'm Interested in Norwegian Colleges

I'm going to learn a fourth language.

Norwegian.

'Why Norwegian?' the reader asks. 'And what are the other languages you know?'

Well, first off, I know English and have been studying German and French for several months now.

Second, I found a college. Oslo National Academy of the Arts.

'Why would you go to a Norwegian college?'

Free tuition, to start. There's a fee to pay every semester for living on campus and such, and of course the price of books and a plane ticket to Norway, but if you consider the money saved from having no tuition to pay, it works out alright in the end.

One of the requirements, of course, is to learn Norwegian. But that's alright, I'm adept at learning other languages.

'Wait, I thought you wanted to be a neuroscientist!'

Sure. There's the Norwegian University of Science and Technology for that (although really that would be a doctorate in medicine, which I'm also okay with).

Guess what? It also has free tuition, but only requires students to know English at an academic level.

I'm probably going to Norway after high school.
-Mark

The Power of a Few Songs and Some Bad Memories

There are a lot of songs that, when I listen to them, I feel as though I've punched in the gut. It's common to find them, whether they be songs from early childhood or songs that you associated with people who are no longer in your life.

Through all the grievances and painful nostalgic flashbacks, I've come to a few that feel the absolute worst of all:
"Problems and Bigger Ones" - Harvey Danger
"Kill All Your Friends" - My Chemical Romance
"Island in the Sun" - Weezer
"Asleep" -The Smiths
"Private Helicopter" - Harvey Danger

And with myself being the enormous dope I am, I've decided the only time it's alright to listen to these songs is two in the morning when you miss your best friend and some boy you used to love more than anything and the world and you know that it's all your fault they left and you've got no reason to be sad and yet, here you are, listening to those songs that feel worse than the wounds they bear onto you.

Fuck.
-Mark

Halloween and the Inevitable Cosplay

The hour is upon us.

'Which hour?' you ask, as there are several.

Halloween night, of course.

I've decided to cosplay Tavros Nitram. Humanstuck, anyways, as I don't want to bother with grey face paint or horns.

Why would anybody for anything less than San Diego Comic Con?

There's a thing I'd do in a heartbeat. Full cosplay as the biggest con out there.

Cue the toddler blubbering with an outburst of "I wanna go!"
-Mark

End of the Run

The shows went fairly well. They went over well the audience every night, so I'd assume it was a nice thing to watch.

Good way to occupy two hours of your life, I suppose.

Ah, but that chapter of my life has ended. We're now onto yet another - my first time in the lull between shows. Shortly before Thanksgiving, we'll be casting for the musical, and the process begins again  - only much slower and much more painful.
-Mark

Opening Night

It's today.

Opening night, I mean.

It won't happen for another eleven hours, but the day is finally upon us.

Am I the only one who feels sick?

Oh, but it doesn't matter, I'll sit off stage right and pray to God nobody forgets a line.

Of course, I didn't eat this morning. I had half a juice barrel and poured it out onto the grass.

Doesn't really matter now, however. I'm sure things will be fine.
-Mark

Tech Week and Other Current Events.

I sit in study hall as I write this, wishing the time to go faster while simultaneously wishing it to crawl slower as I await the start of the final tech rehearsal for our fall show, The Tempest.  We've somehow managed to cram tech week, otherwise known as "hell week", into three days. As if that weren't maddening enough, opening night is tomorrow, and actors are still forgetting their lines.

Now that some of you may understand my anxiety concerning this, I will also mention that I do have optimism regarding the performances. Yes, despite the actors still dropping and re-arranging their lines, despite the freshman playing one of the most important roles, and despite one of our darling actors saying the name of the Scottish play and then not doing the thing to un-curse us (we injured our lead, the actor playing Caliban has hurt himself - and me - several times during rehearsal), I do feel as though things will go fairly smooth tomorrow, Friday, and Saturday.

And Saturday after the show, I'll be headed to a friend's house to make cosplay things.

Upon the discovery that the girl I was going to cosplay GamTav with is an even bigger piece of shit than any of us imagined,  I'm now taking it upon myself to avoid her as best I can. Confronting her would lead her to set her fellows on me, and call me whatever you like, that's simply not a thing I'd want.

In other words, she's evil and down-right psychopathic. It's time to get the hell out of dodge and steer my ass clear of her.
-Mark

Plight of the Tav Rp-er

This is a safe for work chat.

spiritAnimal [Soul] joined chat. ~~ 1 ~~

adiosToreador [AT] joined chat. ~~ 2 ~~

Soul: Hi

AT: hEY,

Soul: How are you?

AT: i'M DOING ALRIGHT, wHAT ABOUT YOU?

Soul: I'm doing well thank you so much

AT: sO,,, wHO ARE YOU, eXACTLY?

Soul: I'm soul, who are you?

AT: tAVROS, bUT MY FRIENDS LIKE TO CALL ME TAV,

Soul: Can I call you Tav?

AT: oH, uHH, sURE,

AT: hEHEH,

Soul: Its nice to meet you Tav

AT: yOU TOO, sOUL,

AT: hEH, tHAT KINDA SOUNDS LIKE sOL,

Soul: Its Soul,

AT: yEAH, i KNOW,

AT: i HAVE A FRIEND, oR REALLY, i KNOW A GUY, hIS NAME IS sOLLUX,

AT: wE CALL HIM sOL,

Soul: Sol

AT: yEAH, dO YOU KNOW HIM?

Soul: No

AT: oH, tHATS TOO BAD, hE'S A COOL GUY,

AT: nOT AS COOL AS ME, tHOUGH }B)

Soul: Yeah you are so cool!

AT: hEH, yEAH, bUT NOT AS COOL AS MY BRO gAMZEE,

AT: hE CAN LAY DOWN SOME PRETTY SICK FIRES,

AT: nOT AS SICK AS dAVE THOUGH,

AT: nO ONE'S AS SICK AS dAVE,

Soul: Dave is sick?

Soul: He should see a doctor then.

AT: oH, nO, hE'S NOT SICK,

AT: nOT LIKE THAT, aT LEAST,

Soul: Oh ok.

AT: hIS FIRES ARE SICK, tHOUGH,

AT: iT'S LIKE, wHOA, dUDE, sAVE SOME OF THAT FOR THE REST OF US,

Soul: Sounds, hot?

AT: uHH,

AT: sURE, i GUESS i'M ATTRACTIVE,

Soul: Totally.

-Mark

same

lmaouch. I hijacked this blog. it's Nick. or uh, aggressivePizza, or like ncncope1 if you remember me back then (if so please acquire amnesia soon, perhaps banging your head against the glass ceiling is an idea). I have usurped the throne to this shitty place for a while and I'ma use it to provide a unique perspective on the boy who won't shut up about himself. that's mark in case it wasn't clear. I'm the guy who was there for the entire transition. I saw "bisexual" become "lesbian", which then became bisexual again which became non-binary (don't think I don't remember you trying to get me to use "zhe" as a pronoun) which progressed into a "genderqueer" "homoflexible" angsty weeb, which grew into a trans boy with a sexuality I don't care enough to keep track of. I myself have seen a bit of growth, embarking on a little journey most people have only seen pieces of. but this isn't about that. this is about the person you come here to learn about and listen to, yes? yes.

let's see.. what should you know? my personal relationship with Mark has seen more twists and turns than any road in Indiana and a Saw movie combined. friend to enemy to [REDACTED] to frenemy to enemy to friend to whatever the fuck else. I don't exactly keep a log of this shit. I do specifically remember a particularly angsty phase wherein he was very easily swayed in opinion by a certain friend who was handy with a jar of carbonated water. but that's a story for another time. the journey mark has seen from my perspective has been outright absurd, but I do want to highlight some of his bouncing around within the binds of The Cult. Luke and I once tried to smooth over the past drama with a specific document that gag ruled events pertaining to a more advanced form of Darlene's escapades (and yet no one else forgives HER), with a small clause about how pronouns and names are actually pretty pointless things. the intention was to stop the violent attacks on any and every person who slipped up or misused a name out of spite, but I guess we where just "ignorant cis people". I've gained more respect in recent weeks for him, as together we adopted the philosophy of total equality as so few have. I can't testify for him, but for me, even as a kid, no form of hate or prejudice ever  made sense to me. my parents used to tell me not to play with the kids across the street for racial reasons they didn't want to talk about, and I always gave this innocent "but why?? they're so nice!" that I'm sure melted their hearts and eventually thawed the ice of bigotry that no longer resides over them today. I guess I've gotten off track. maybe I'll use this thing to spout bulllshit in the future. god knows you'll never be hearing from an official blog of mine again.

Reflections

I'm not sure what to blog about anymore.

I'm no where near as sad as I was a year ago.

I don't feel the same as I did a year ago about anyone or anything, myself included.

A year ago, making mistakes meant stressing over them with every fiber in my body, aggressively trying to right the wrong and becoming obsessed with the one I hurt in the process.

Now, I recognize that while the things I've done can't be made up for, the important thing is to learn from it and move on with my life. The person on the other end doesn't matter in this process, whether they decide to forgive and forget or begrudgingly remember, that's all up to them. There isn't a point to obsessing over how to win them over once more.

There also isn't a point to purposefully giving them more of a reason to hate you.

A year ago, it had first hit me that I wasn't a girl.

A year ago, I was being hit on by some guy I'd known for five years and, until that point, had hardly ever spoken to me.

Now, there's some senior girl flirting with me who wants to cosplay GamTav for Halloween, and I'm okay with this. I may only have a limited window of time that it's legal, but still, I'm okay with it.

A year ago, I had just begun to listen to Weezer.

Now -  and I mean right now - I'm listening to Weezer. Let's be real, when do I not? Anyone who follows me on Instagram is bombarded with a plethora of Rivers Cuomo pictures on a daily basis.
(While we're on the subject, I share a birthday with Cuomo. I flipped my shit when I found out.)

A lot of things change in a year. I haven't even scraped the surface in all the ways I've grown over the last twelve months.

So, potentially, there's a lot I could blog about. But how much of it will I actually tell to random strangers over the internet?
-Mark

Just a Reason to Post a Selfie, I Guess

"So, Mark (who we used to call Narwhal for some inane reason), what do you look like nowadays?"

Fucking fabulous, that's what.
-Mark

End of an Era and the Best Introduction Yet

Any long-time readers, I salute you. You saw me through what was likely the best representation of the process of maturity in the pre-teen years, from some scene kid/hipster/weeb trash piece of shit to whatever kind of garbage I am now.

But, that's over now. All that's left is whatever lies ahead. And since the plague of humanity burdens us so, we'll never truly be done maturing.

That being said, another introduction is in place, yes?

Hello, I'm Mark. I'm a bisexual transgender kid who spends too much time on the internet.

I enjoy politically conscious punk music, Homestuck, musicals, neuroscience, Magic the Gathering, and other things I'm sure you'll see me post eventually. I'm a thief of doom, a prospit dreamer, my zodiac troll is Sollux and my patron Gamzee.

Here is where I'll post whatever I feel like posting whenever I feel like posting it, as it's a personal blog.

I dislike prejudice, no matter which side of the argument it comes from.

And, above all, I welcome you to this new era that will just as shitty as all the rest (although more intelligible).
-Mark

Absence, a Drop of an Alias, and Drama Club

The events that have transpired these last few weeks of absence have been as follows:
-Become drama club ASM
-Lose social life almost entirely

Can't say I'm mourning the loss, however, as everything fell to shit shortly before. The loss of my morail was something I knew was inevitable, and yet, in the end, it still stung.

Could have been worse, however. Things could always be worse.

Anyone with working eyes can probably see that I've stopped using my alias.

Why?

Because I'm not a twelve-year-old scene kid/weeb trash anymore.

Thank God.

Now, on to yet another topic: Drama club.

I've wanted to join drama club in high school since I was very young - say, six or seven. So, of course, I joined once I finally got there.

It was the day before auditions for the fall show  - William Shakespeare's The Tempest, which is actually a comedy (and pretty damn funny at that) - and I'm out for a walk, per usual. I've come up to my usual spot, the elementary school closest to my house, and an old acquaintance of mine, Steven, is there.

Steven, being the stage manager, has to find an assistant by tomorrow, and up comes a familiar face. A face he trusts to a certain extent, at least.

And so, he asks me to be the assistant stage manager. Since everything in my social life had fallen to shit and I was fairly desperate to find a backup, I said yes.

And now we're here.

Well, essentially.
-Mark L.

So This Happened

[11:37:23 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "" ***
[11:37:40 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:37:42 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "team pleb" ***
[11:37:50 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:38:03 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "team pleb u faggot" ***
[11:38:06 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:38:23 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "TEAM PLEB" ***
[11:38:27 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:39:05 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "what the fuck did you just say about me you lil bitch ill have you know i graduated top of my class in the navy seals" ***
[11:39:12 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:39:43 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "luke ill make people send you dick pics if you dont stop" ***
[11:39:48 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:39:58 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "motherfuckrick" ***
[11:40:02 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:40:34 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITS SADOMASOPEDOROBONECROBEASTIALITY" ***
[11:40:41 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:41:17 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "ONE DAY I DID IT TO THIS FROG AND NOW THATS FROGS ME WIF" ***
[11:41:21 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "ONE DAY I DID IT TO THIS FROG AND NOW THATS FROGS ME WIFE" ***
[11:41:42 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "ONE DAY I DID IT TO THIS FROG AND NOW THAT FROGS ME WIFE" ***
[11:42:02 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:42:19 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "Tasmyns pink gloves" ***
[11:42:23 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:42:34 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "yeet squad" ***
[11:43:25 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:43:38 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "jiggery diggery" ***
[11:44:07 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:44:18 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation picture. ***
[11:44:31 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation picture. ***
[11:44:32 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "PROPANE AND PROPANE ACCESSORIES" ***
[11:44:35 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:44:45 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation picture. ***
[11:44:50 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation picture. ***
[11:44:52 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "YES HELLO I AM BEE" ***
[11:44:54 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:45:01 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "luke y" ***
[11:45:03 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:45:07 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:45:10 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "luke pls" ***
[11:45:14 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:45:32 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "ur 2 hard" ***
[11:45:35 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:45:38 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "oh god why" ***
[11:45:41 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:45:49 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "dox game weak" ***
[11:45:51 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:45:58 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "DICK TOO BOMB" ***
[11:46:02 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:46:09 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "OTHERKIN UNITE" ***
[11:46:16 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:46:26 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "STARGENDERS" ***
[11:46:30 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:46:35 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "" ***
[11:46:37 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:46:47 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "DICK THE BOMB" ***
[11:46:49 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:47:06 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "DICK RIDING IS, IN FACT, A MODE OF TRANSPORTATION" ***
[11:47:08 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:47:36 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "my pebis is better than your pebis" ***
[11:47:38 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:47:54 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "conversational title goes here" ***
[11:47:56 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:48:02 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "do you even lift" ***
[11:48:04 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:48:17 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "how HIGH do you have to BEEEEE" ***
[11:48:18 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:48:30 AM] *** captainTurtle, Thief of Doom has changed the conversation topic to "fine you win" ***
[11:48:32 AM] *** existentialAmbiguity, Knight of Breath has changed the conversation topic to "Dox Game 2 Hard" ***
[11:48:38 AM] captainTurtle, Thief of Doom: //sighs
-Narwhal Sandkurt

MSPARP

Tumblr is down so I'm on MSPARP.

Anyone else who's PARP-ing and stumbles across a captainTurtle, that me.

-Narwhal Sandkurt

Remember the Hipster Phase?

My hipster phase was really just me wearing demin and leather pants (and occasionally purple jeggings) and whatever shirt I pulled out with a Charlie the Unicorn jacket thrown over it. I also only listened to indie rock/pop and refused anything "mainstream" (besides the Arctic Monkeys, though).

Look at this piece of shit hipster, staying up til three in the morning to listen to their shitty hipster music. Looks like she's a fucking ten-year-old without her glasses on. Wearing a striped shirt and then plaid and then the Charlie the Unicorn jacket and then another fucking striped jacket over that, what the hell were you thinking?

... Better than before, I guess.

Whatever, I'm not even a hipster.
-Narwhal Sandkurt

Self Acceptance

You know what?

Fuck it.

It doesn't matter if nobody else believes in me, I believe in me.

If what I do is good enough for me, it's good enough.

Fuck all this "I'm not good enough" nonsense, I'm fucking good enough, and anyone who doesn't think so can go straight to hell.
-Narwhal Sandkurt

A Further Look into My "Intelligence"

I am not as smart as the adults surrounding me seem to believe.

All I can really do is memorize mostly useless trivia, and the bit that is useful I can hardly apply to any "real-world situations."

The worst part is, I only have four more years to fix that before I'm shipped out into the world with the reassurance that it's "Not as bad as I think."

There is no possible way someone like myself could ever obtain a doctorate, lest I become someone else entirely. Someone much more intelligent, much more work-oriented, much more driven.

The only thing that may separate me from others in my position is that I wouldn't turn to drugs, but rather something more or less productive: memorizing yet more mostly useless trivia that I will never be able to apply to a "real-world situation."

No, I'm not that "bright but unmotivated" problem child.

I'm just an unmotivated problem.
-Narwhal Sandkurt

Panic! at the Disco

Panic! at the Disco was fantastic.

So were Magic Man and Walk the Moon (the openers, obviously).

Magic Man has a nice lead singer, but he's just not quite a front-man. Sure, he's got energy and talent, but he seems to be missing that enthusiasm that P!ATD has or the connection with the audience that Walk the Moon had (and damn, did they have an awesome front-man!).

I moved closer to the stage for Panic!, and I was that loser that stands around with their hands in their pockets screaming along to their favourite songs.

I wrote songs lyrics all over my arms in eyeliner (my pen stopped working), and I bought a tour shirt while I was there. I was thinking about getting a Walk the Moon shirt, but I was tired and my feet hurt like a son of a bitch, so I just dropped it.

Like, seriously, they'll probably have twelve million shirts and wrist bands at hot topic in a couple weeks, so I'm not worried.
-Narwhal Sandkurt

On Racism and Sexism (also patd)

Tomorrow I'm going to see Panic! at the Disco live.

As in I'm going to see Brenden Urie in person.

Not as a two dimensional projection of a 4 dimensional object, oh no, I mean the 4 dimensional object itself.

And guess what?

I'm going to a piece of shit and wear a My Chemical Romance t-shirt.

Now onto more pressing matters at hand:

Racism and sexism.

A thing of the past, yeah? Works only one way? Anybody who practices these things are old and were born in a different time, so it's okay, yeah?

Wrong. All of these are wrong.

For as long as stereotypes exist about any race, including white races, there is racism. Take, for example, the stereotype that all black people like hip hop, fried chicken, watermelon, and kool aid.

Yeah, plenty of them do. But then, so do people of other races, but do we stereotype them as liking these things too?

No.

We say they 'act black.'

Now, let me explain to you a thing about race: All races have the same amount of melanocytes, or the cells that give skin its colour. Melanocytes produce melanin, obviously, but there are two times of melanin: Eumelanin and pheomelanin. Eumelanin is a brownish-black colour whereas pheomelanin is a yellowish-orange colour. People with darker skin produce more eumelanin and people with lighter skin produce more pheomelanin.

Those who live nearer the equator tend to have darker skin so as to better protect themselves from UV radiation. Skin colour is literally just an adaptation to better survive, much like all other animals do.

Now, please tell me - how does an adaptation that happened millions of years ago affect what a certain person will wear, do, say, or enjoy?

What's that you say? It doesn't?

Well, society sure seems to think so.

And what's that called?

Racism.

White people can be racist, black people can be racist, Asians can be racist, Hispanics can be racist, Native Americans can be racist, anybody can be racist.

The same goes for sexism.

A man hates a woman and/our treats her like she's inferior because she's a woman? Sexist.

A woman hates a man and/our treats him like he's inferior because he's a man? Sexist.

Neither of these are systems of oppression. They're prejudices against other sexes/races and the belief that your sex/race is superior.

And guess what?

That's wrong.

And yes, we are all the same in the end.

But then again, no.

You see, we're all different, and that's okay. Nobody is superior, nobody is inferior.

I just wish the rest of society could catch up with this thinking and realist that hate only breeds hate, that you need to find room inside your metaphorical heart for everybody in the world.

With a few exceptions, of course, but those are obvious.
-Narwhal Sandkurt

Title, I Suppose

Sometimes I wish I could snap a person's neck without consequence.
-Narwhal Sandkurt

Why I Like Indie Music

I've always found it kinda lame when I really like a band that's super mainstream.

Not when other people like that band, no, only when I liked it.

Sure, I like a bunch of bands that everybody knows and all that jazz - but it's because everyone knows them that I feel lame as fuck when I say I like them.

That's where indie music comes in.

Because, in reality, how many people will you meet who know who Brasstronaut is, or The Pigeon Detectives, or The Vaccines?

And when they say they've never heard of them, for those two seconds, I feel like I'm not so lame.

....Is this how hipsters work? Cos if so, I understand ya, buddy.
-Narwhal Sandkurt

Dayman and Dr Pepper

Look, it's dayman!

Anyways, my copious Dr. Pepper consumption has gotten out of hand.

I'm likely to drink near two litres, if not more, a day.

I've become addicted to the glorious 23 flavours of this carbonated drink. I go through withdraw symptoms if I go for too long without it.

As I write this, I have a half-empty 1 litre bottle of Dr Pepper sitting next to me.

I need to be stopped.
-Narwhal Sandkurt

Not as Much Emotion

I don't know where the emotion from yesterday came from, but it stayed.

I'm just sad and tired and I don't want to do anything anymore.

There's no reason for me to be sad, I just am, and I'm getting really fucking tired of it.

Like, fuck you, why do I have to be sad? I'm not even that sad, but I am, but I don't feel like it, but I do... whatever.

Also, this happened:
[3:48:00 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: stop talking to me
[3:48:17 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: what you and luke said yesterday went too far, and i'm not about to get over it
[3:48:24 PM] Sweet Bro: I am luke
[3:48:37 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: i mean you and nick
[3:48:39 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: shit
[3:49:13 PM] Sweet Bro: What did we say? We were probably being sarcastic.
[3:49:39 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: i don't care if you were being sarcastic, it fucking hurt and i'm done with you assholes
[3:50:12 PM] Sweet Bro: Okay, sorry for hurting your feelings.
[3:51:52 PM] Sweet Bro: That being said, if you still want to run to your tumblr club of denial and man hating go on ahead. We don't care.
[3:52:06 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: i don't hate men
[3:52:22 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: i hate assholes, which just so happens to be two men: you and nick
[3:53:20 PM] Sweet Bro: So because we tell you things you don't want to hear, we're assholes. Are you 5 years old?
[3:53:43 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: please stop talking to me
[3:53:58 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: i never want to hear anything from you again
[3:54:05 PM] Sweet Bro: Things that, might I add if you took into consideration you might actually amount to something?
[3:54:27 PM] Sweet Bro: Yeah we're fucked up, but we care in this sort of backwards yelly way.
[3:54:29 PM] Sweet Bro: Like Karkat.
[3:54:39 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: i don't want to talk to either of you
[3:55:03 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: same as how i don't want to talk to my old "friends" from the third grade who told something along the same lines
[3:56:02 PM] Sweet Bro: We're giving you good advice that looks like just a bunch of yelly bullshit that wasn't meant 100% serious. But you have to read further into it to get something from it and not analyze this at just the surface.
[3:56:09 PM] Sweet Bro: I thought you were a literature snob.
[3:57:18 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: http://whatisthismysticsorcery.blogspot.com/2014/06/i-apologise-for-emotion.html
[4:01:06 PM] Sweet Bro: Okay who the hell did we ever have to introduce you to. Nobody is the answer there. Legally speaking, Your name is still Maggie and will remain that way until you legally change your name. Legally, we do have a right to call you Maggie. We try to call you Mark, but the transition is hard. Bear with us.
[4:02:17 PM] Sweet Bro: As for everything else, let haters hate. but you gotta look through the flames.
[9:04:39 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: thomas didn't introduce me as a boy because it looked like i have boobs
[9:04:57 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: now please, don't talk to me
[9:07:07 PM] Sweet Bro: Was thomas aware of the fact you wished to be a male.
[9:08:16 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: yes, and he said he didn't introduce me as one because the person he was introducing me to would have seen my boobs and said "dude, that's a lady"
[9:09:19 PM] Sweet Bro: Well then he was trying to protect your integrity. How was this relevant.
[9:09:32 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: stop talking to me
[9:09:36 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: just stop
[9:10:05 PM] Sweet Bro: Run away from your helpers.Run until you can't see us anymore.
[9:10:37 PM] Sweet Bro: Run until you can safely be away with your own denial, blissfully unaware of reality.
[9:10:50 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: I just want you to stop talking to me
[9:10:58 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: You make me feel like a piece of shit
[9:11:21 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: You  say I'll never amount to anyhting, tell me I'm going to die alone
[9:11:24 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: Fuck you
[9:11:27 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: Leave me alone
[9:11:33 PM] Sweet Bro: Have you ever stopped to wonder if that was true?
[9:12:03 PM] Sweet Bro: Have you ever stopped to wonder if there was any merit to that, as bad as it sounds, it was us extending our hand to you so your future wasn't that.
[9:13:24 PM] Sweet Bro: Instead you run from us because it's ripping you away from your denial.
[9:14:04 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: It makes me feel like a piece of shit and that my friends don't like me, don't want me around, and don't care about me
[9:14:16 PM] Sweet Bro: Then you're looking at it wrong.
[9:14:32 PM] Sweet Bro: If I didn't care about you the first time you said leave me alone I would.
[9:14:42 PM] Sweet Bro: I wouldn't throw out this latch ditch effort to help you.
[9:15:50 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: Then stop.
[9:15:56 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: Stop treating me this way.
[9:16:03 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: Don't treat ANYONE this way
[9:16:45 PM] Sweet Bro: Alright.
[9:17:25 PM] Sweet Bro: Everything's fine, nothing about my life is bad~ HApppy!!!!
[9:17:53 PM] Sweet Bro: Fuck that.
[9:18:03 PM] Sweet Bro: See what's wrong with that right there?
[9:18:14 PM] Sweet Bro: Life isn't good there's starving and sick and dying and crime.
[9:18:19 PM] Sweet Bro: That's delusion
[9:18:33 PM] Sweet Bro: That's trying to block out anything bad, a shield of denial.
[9:19:02 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: I'm not trying to deny anything.
[9:19:10 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: I just don't want to be treated like shit
[9:19:21 PM] Sweet Bro: You're not.
[9:19:31 PM] Sweet Bro: Nor have you been. You've PERCIEVED you have.
[9:19:47 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: Don't talk to me
[9:19:48 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: Don'
[9:19:51 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: Just don't
[9:20:08 PM] Sweet Bro: Kinda like how you PERCIEVED rape jokes were misogyny.
[9:20:40 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: Stop.
[9:20:42 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: Talking.
[9:20:45 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: To.
[9:20:47 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: Me.
[9:21:57 PM] Sweet Bro: You know what, fine. I won't talk to you. Good luck, I look forward to seeing your name in the paper, whether it be for a great achievement or an Obituary.
[9:24:01 PM] Sweet Bro: Perhaps even in the police reports.
[9:24:20 PM] Magical Frickface Homosexual: STOP TALKING TO ME
[9:25:23 PM | Edited 9:25:27 PM] Sweet Bro: HERES AN IDEA. DON'T FUCKING RESPOND, LETS HAVE A PRACTICE.

I have two friends now, and I doubt I'll have them for long.

Whatever.
-Narwhal Sandkurt

I Apologise for the Emotion

I can't do it.

I just can't do it.

I can't keep living in this body.

I don't even feel like it's mine anymore, I feel like I'm just dressing up a sack of meat to look like what it should.

And I'm fucking tired of my friends refusing to introduce me as a guy because you can still see my breasts, and I'm tired of people grimacing when I say I prefer to be called Mark and I'm tired of my closest friends saying they have a right to not call me my preferred name or pronouns or anything.

Why couldn't I have just been born male? Why couldn't I have just been born normal? Why do I have to be the "disgusting tranny"?

Why am I not like everyone else?

I feel like my friends gave up on me, like they don't want me anymore because I'm a trans boy.

I feel like the rest of my family won't want me when they find out.

I feel like I'm going to be "damaged goods" for the rest of life, no one loves transgenders or transsexuals, they shudder at the thought of being near them.

I feel like, no matter how hard I try, I will never be the boy I want to be.

And it's going to tear me apart piece by piece until there's nothing left.
-Narwhal Sandkurt

The Trios

I've just realised - I'm always part of a trio.

Back in Kindergarten, it was me, Skylar, and Tyler.

First grade, it was me, Hayley, and Gabby.

Second grade, it was me, Billy, and Dane.

Then Dane moved away, so it was just me and Bill until Sydney came along and it became me, Sydney, and Bill.

Seventh grade, it was me, Nick, and Gavin.

Eighth grade, it was me, Nick, and Luke.

Now it's me, Amanda, and Darlene.

And this new trio is probably the best I've ever been in, I want this trio to stay a trio.
-Narwhal Sandkurt
P.S.

Fab Garbage

"I'd be fab garbage, too."
                                                  -Me, about two minutes ago.
-Narwhal Sandkurt

I Can't Think of a Title

Since I was a gross tool and accidentally shattered my kindle, it'll be a little while before I update the story on my simulations. Terribly sorry about that.

In other news, I've started on the exposition of a novel that's never going to go anywhere. Maybe it'll become on page on this blog. I'm not entirely sure.

That's all the news I have for you today.
-Narwhal Sandkurt

Society Kinda Sucks

Here is why I'm very angered by society, told in a series of google screen shots.

Excuse me a moment, I need to go bang my head against a wall.
-Narwhals Sandkurt

Absence and Musicals

I'm not entirely sure how long I've been away. What I do know is that, during my absence, I've come out as a trans boy and have gotten a chest binder and a haircut.

I've also found out that this year, my birthday will be on a Friday the 13th.

Hella.

For some reason, something inside me feels like it did last summer. This is clearly troublesome, as demonstrated by what I posted not long after the death of Cory Monteith.

I don't know if it's the weather, or whatever, but I've got an old playlist on repeat and it's not doing much to improve my overall mood.

Although, it's ironic, because yesterday, everything felt better.

And now, it feels like I'm reverting.

I don't know, it's probably just the weather.

In other news, I have a Cats poster in my room now. For those of you who don't know, Cats is a musical.

I love musicals more than I love life.

I'm not sure if it started with Hairspray or with Grease, but musicals have slowly taken over my life. It's not a day until I've listened to/sang at least one show tune.

But yeah, I'm a trans boy.

If you have a problem with that, stay off my blog.

The Fine Arts Box

I found out how to delete blogs. Now there's this one, my Tumblr, and my Klaine blog.

I feel so much better.

Although, if they were human children, I would have just committed murder.

I think this is how murderers feel.

I fear for my mental well being.

Speaking of my mental well being, I have a big stack of my old writing that I've put in my newly-made fine arts box.

You see, I have an interest in the fine arts: music, writing, and, well... art. Therefore, the fine arts box was a necessity. It currently sits just a few feet away in a crevice between the television stand and the wall, a music stand and a red parasol propped against it.

As I said, I've a stack of old writing in that box. Among the writing is, quite possibly, one of the most beautiful things I've ever written.

And, yes, this does mean I'm going to post another stupid poem to add to the collection.

I'll Hold Your Beating Chambers Until They Beat No More

I'll hear the clock ticking 

until it ticks no more.

I will hear you breathe 

until you draw your final breath.

I'll endure all the pain in the world

until it doesn't hurt anymore.

I'll sit here and live my life

until I don't want to live anymore.

I'll hear every word you have to say

until I can't hear anymore.

I'll count every star in the sky

until they shine no more.

I'll take the full-front of all your pain
until there's no more to take.
I'll find you every flower in the world
until there is not one I have not found.
I'll share with you my every emotion
until my emotions are spent.
I'll breathe in only your scent
until the scent has long faded.
I'll protect from all harm
until the day I die,
and I'll hold your beating chambers
until they beat no more.

I was eleven when that was written, and it was written because of this:

 Recognize the fictional gay couple?

It's my OTP. The OTP I've shipped since I was ten.

Fandoms ruin lives, kids.
-Narwhal Sandkurt

Blog Children

As everybody knows, this blog is now over a year old  - which means, if there was a human form of my blog, it would be close to its first words, and its first steps, if it hasn't already. It would have enough hair to put in little bows, although I can't see why I'd really want to do that.

So, let's assume it's a bit advanced - already potty trained, can say a few words, can walk for a couple steps before falling. Now would be the time when it would start eating some solid foods while still eating the mashed ones.

To clear it all up: it's 14 months old. A year and two months, plus a few days. As I said, a bit advanced. Could probably eat the stuff inside McDonald's fries - fry guts, my mother called them. A gateway to cannibalism, I call it.

If the blog is any indication, it likes the soft, calming kinds of music. Also show tunes.

Lots and lots of show tunes.

Its name? Its sex? Its appearance? All left to those who imagine it. Think about its appearance. Not put it in a giraffe costume. Fucking adorable.

Why do I call it an it?

Because it's a thought, not a real thing.

If all my blogs were children, I'd cry. The oldest would be 16 months old. There would three 16 month old children. Where am I getting all these children. Help me.

There is one blog younger than WiTMS. The only one younger still is my Tumblr. Why did I make all these blogs. I have too many blog children. I don't know how to delete blogs. Dear God, it's a living nightmare.
-Narwhal Sandkurt

Girly Dave Strider

I still want to be a boy.

But I don't want to be a boy.

I want the short hair, and the flat chest, but I also want to wear doll make-up and flower crowns and smell like watermelon.

I don't mean these wants conflict - no, they coincide. I want to have short hair and perfect eyeliner and a chest binder and aviators all while smelling like watermelon and wearing a flower crown.

You see, change was long coming. It took me a while to realise what I really wanted - and now I know. The best part is, I'll still be in a position where I can switch back and forth between being a girly Dave Strider to being punk rock.

This is what I envision. Please pretend I finished colouring the disc on the shirt.
-Narwhal Sandkurt

Math and Future Plans

Ah, math. The only class where I can write down exactly what the teacher says and still be hopelessly lost.

Okay, that's not exactly true, but often times I skip over writing something and then I see it on a test and have no idea what to do.

The clear solution would be to write down everything we cover in class, and ask the teacher any questions I may have. Simple, right?

Wrong. If I have questions, it's because I left my notebook in my locker and didn't take notes. My math teacher no longer helps students who don't take notes, as she finds the lack of note-taking a sign of not paying attention.

For most people in my math class, that's very true, considering it's 8th grade Pre-Algebra. I blew off the class last year, and now I have to take it again. What goes around comes around.

If any of know me, you'd know I'm horribly out of place in the class, and yet I fit right in. Why? Because I slept in the class last year and learned nothing. Now's my chance to make it up and not be left behind in the dust for Algebra I next year.

Pre-Algebra is Algebra, just at a slightly slower pace. Everyone knows this. There's nothing too special about either. To be honest, I hate algebra... geometry is cool, though. Pythagorean theorem and all that. Yeah, you learn the basics in algebra, A^2+B^2=C^2 and how to use it. At my school, you don't really use in algebra, they just introduce you to it and then take it away for a while.Or maybe they don't. I don't know, I was asleep for most of it.

And yes, I have seen geometry before. I like geometry a hell of a lot more than I like algebra.

Will I use math? Considering I'm planning on majoring in neuroscience, no. The only math I need to pass is the bare minimum to graduate, which I'll take my junior year if all goes well. Algebra II, and then I'm not sure what it goes to next.

Do I have high hopes? Yes, very high hopes. I want to be in all those advanced and AP classes, those would be the only places where I'd be challenged (except math... well, maybe. If it seems easy, you're doing it wrong). How do I get to those classes? I don't know. My grades are shit because I can't bring myself to be motivated enough to do anything.

The solution to that, of course, is to pretend I'm helping Sherlock solve a case. Seems reasonable, right? It's worked in the past.

A lot of people have viewed my inability to do seventh grade level math as a sign of stupidity. To them, I say, "Call me when you correctly label a brain without looking at a diagram and tell the frequencies of the four types of brainwaves."

Don't call someone "stupid" until you've seen where their intelligence falls, I guess I'm trying to say.

This post has gotten out of hand.
-Narwhal Sandkurt
P.S.
Beta: 15-30Hz
Alpha 9-14Hz
Theta 4-8Hz
Delta 3-1Hz

Sick Day

I'm home sick today with a particularly bad head cold. It's gone down quite a lot since yesterday, but I'm definitely going to switch out my reeds.

Why, you ask? Why am I going to switch out my reeds for a mere head cold?

Because, the Science Olympiad team is going to Grand Rapids on Friday, and I can't afford to be sick then.

So, I'm sitting on my bed in my pj's with a roll of toilet paper listening to Chameleon Circuit.

We don't have any tissues.

Since I'm not at school today, I'm going to add some educational value to this post:

Effects of drugs on nervous system:

ALCOHOL - Alcohol is a depressant of the nervous system. Side effects: Altered speech, Hazy thinking, Slowed reaction time, Dulled hearing, Impaired vision, Weakened muscles, Foggy memory.

CAFFEINE - Stimulates nervous system. increase alertness, reduce fine motor coordination, cause insomnia, cause headaches, nervousness and dizziness. Large amounts (10g or more) are fatal... but that’s about 80-100 cups of coffee.

NICOTINE - increases blood pressure and heart rate, faster respiration, constriction of arteries, stimulation of central nervous system. Once addicted, attempting to stop results in depression, anxiety, headaches, and fatigue.

MARIJUANA - Low to medium doses: relaxation, reduced coordination, reduced blood pressure, sleepiness, disruption in attention, an altered sense of time and space. Large doses: hallucinations, delusions, impaired memory, disorientation.

Integumentary system: Main functions protection against UV light, bacteria, and dehydration; body temperature regulation; Sensation through nerve endings, receptors that detect pressure, temperature, and pain; removal of waste through sweat; vitamin D production.

EYES: Filled with Vitreous Humour to keep from collapsing. Colour part called iris, black center pupil, behind pupil lens. Cornea above all that, as a bubble, filled with Aqueous Humour. 

VISUAL PATHWAY: Eye sees image upside down. This information leaves chiasm via optic tract. Reorganized optic tract leaves optic chiasm, passes to lateral geniculate nucleus. There, information separated, organized, and relayed to different areas of visual cortex, different zones of visual cortex process the different aspects of vision...is processed and an image is perceived.

EARS: Pinna collects sound and funnels to auditory canal. Auditory canal connects outer ear with ear drum. Ear drum is beginning of middle ear and made of thin sheet of muscle and skin that vibrates to sounds, passed to Ossicles. Ossicles are malleus, incus, and stapese. Sound is amplified 30 times by time it gets to stapese. Stapese vibrates against oval window. Oval window is the boundary between middle and inner ear. Vibrations pass to cochlea. Fluid inside cochlea passes vibrations to tiny hairs on Auditory Nerves. Auditory nerves send messages to brain, then sounds.

TONGUE: Tongue has five kinds of taste receptors: Sweet, salty, bitter, sour, & MSG. Location of each is unclear - are taste buds. Tongue is a muscle.

NOSE/OLFACTORY SYSTEM: Taste comes from smell, or Olfactory system. Connects to taste buds and Hippocampus.

Yay education.
-Narwhal Sandkurt

Hacking

So, people have been trying to get into my Google account - one from Italy, another from Peru.

Why?

What is so special about my Google account that you felt the need to try and hack it?

Was it my blog? Are you trying to access this blog? Are you trying to access a different blog? Are you doing this for the shits and giggles? I'm very confused.

My Twitter was also hacked about a month ago. What is going on?

I'm easily confused and often times frustrated, please don't hack my account.
-Narwhal Sandkurt

Friendship

Ah, friendship. Like the majority of my friends, I only have a few really close ones and then a few acquaintances to talk to sometimes.

If I were to list those who were my friends, undoubtedly my friends, and I have such a strong enough "connection" with to know the friendship will last, it would be short.

Hell, I'll do it.

• Luke
• Nick
• Ryan
• Amanda
• Damion

There we go.

Is that the whole cult? No. Amanda isn't even in the cult. These are the people I have some bit of a "connection" with. By connection, I do mean either "emotional bond" or "playful hatred" of.

This is in response to Luke's post, which there should be a link to his blog in the top bar.
-Narwhal Sandkurt

Labeling and Defining

I haven't posted in quite a while, so I guess I'll start right off the bat by saying this: While I don't want other people to label me, I'm going to label myself in a way I deem fit.

No, don't let others label you. Hell, don't even call in "labeling." It's just you, defining yourself, and it requires educating yourself on all these different things, but mostly looking inside yourself. As cliche as that sounds, it's true.

No one else can define you. Some people don't like defining themselves, and just say they're human. That's fine. Other people, however, want to know who they are, and that's also fine. Don't tell someone they're wrong one way or another - that's not fine.

I am the kind of person to chose theory and chalk over blood and earth. I become uncomfortable when things go undefined, or when bits and pieces go unnoticed because no one can name them. My physical and mental state are subject to this thinking, as well - it all must be named. It all must be identified. Any orientation, any preference - all there, all labeled.

Does that mean you can tell me to stop thinking so much about who I am? No. You can't tell anyone that. That's not okay.

Everyone has different beliefs. As I said before, telling someone they're wrong one way or another is not okay.

I hope my approach to this hasn't offended anyone. Then again, should I care?
-Narwhal Sandkurt