A Short Story Brought on by God Knows What:

I, being the absolute genius I am, went into cross-dressing prostitution in late 1874. My wife, Andrea, and my son, Alexander, knew nothing of my late-afternoon job, out on the back alley ways without much more to qualify me as "woman" than the tight dress housing hilariously fake breasts. I never got more than a catcall and few bills stuffed down my corset by thankfully quick hands.

In 1879, my son married a petite blonde girl by the name of Caroline... who, in later months, had an affair with my brother Stephen. Alexander and Caroline had taken in a child from the orphanage, a little boy named John. Caroline gave birth to Stephen's son, William, two months later. Alexander was left shocked and heartbroken, leaving the whore and moving to New York, where he met Martha. He wrote often, but never did come home. John had gone with him.

Around 1880, a man by the name of Aaron agreed to aid me in the trafficing of my own body, providing me with realistic false breasts. Little did I know, Caroline was his younger sister.

In the fall of 1881, Caroline and Stephen married, leaving me related to the man currently trafficing my fake breasts in a tight corset for a few bills every couple of days. I quickly dropped out of the business and retired from work for good, basking in the glory of my last few years.

Mary, a woman more inclined to alcohol than any female should be, married John without much of a drunken second thought and birthed a boy they named Levi. Growing up around a wasted mother and broken father, Levi spent much of his childhood far from other children, and was mute until the age of seventeen.

In the spring 1884, Caroline, Stephen, Alexafnder (by means of letters, no doubt), and I formed a cult. Many who heard of this cult wondered why we included only one of our wives, as aposed to all or none. We never did reply, as there wasn't a clear answer.

The next year, Aaron, John, Mary, and William joined

In 1890, Aaron murdered John and William before going into exile. Less than a week after, Carlonie killed herself. Stephen took to drinking with a such a force that he died from alcohol poisoning in 1893.

At the age of eighteen, Levi found love in a tavern with a wasted broad. The poor whore became pregnant with his first son, Benjamin. They wed, and two years after Ben's birth, Jesse was born.

When both sons were in their early twenties, Benjamin tried to murder Jesse by means of rat poison. Instead, he mixed up the cups of tea and drank the poisoned one. He died shortly after.

Jesse spent the rest of his life trying to have a child with various whites from bars, never succeeding. Until one night, when he managed to impregnate a girl who ran before dawn. The child, a boy named Henry, found Jesse on his death bed, who was delighted he had succeeded in his task.






There you go. Fuck knows where that came from.
-Narwhal Sandkurt

Freshly Painted Nails Make it Difficult to Type

So, I just painted my nails. I mean, I literally just finished. They aren't even dry yet, there's a bunch of rogue nail polish all over my fingers, it's pretty ugly. But, my nails are black now.

Also, I plan on dyeing my hair red. When, I am not sure.

Oh, my... I'm turning emo.

Anyways, the cult will wear our black hooded robes for Halloween and carry plain white candles. I imagine we will have many virgin sacrifices on that day. So far, we've fed them well and kept them safe from harm. They seem content with their capture.

-Narwhal Sandkurt
P.S. You know you have great friends when they joke about selling you into prostitution

Started Watching Teen Wolf

So I've started watching Teen Wolf (the TV series), and so far, so good.

And I'm entirely convinced Stiles has a crush on Derek, just saying.

Also, I watched the original Carrie the other day, and I plan on seeing the new one soon.

Tumblr changed its layout, and I am very uncomfortable. Even the logo changed, plus it looks like it's a lighter blue colour for the background (wow, that was such a great sentence). At least the photosets are still the same as always.

"Don't pass to McCall" Shit son, it's about to hit the fan.
-Narwhal Sandkurt, currently watching Teen Wolf in another tab

This post ended up being about chicken nuggers

I don't really have anything to post about at the moment, but I'll come up with something off the top of my head for you (even though there's no post on Sundays).

So I walked to the library yesterday, and found myself getting hungry. So, I went to go get food. I originally wanted mcnuggers, but it was too fucking early to get normal food from McDonald's (which is bullshit, because if I want mcnuggers at, say, four in the morning, I should be able to get mcnuggers at that time). So, I went to burger king instead. No real story, just wanted to vent my frustration about the mcnuggers.

Also, on friday night (which was homecoming), the eighth grade band went and played with the marching band. The clarinets had tacos, mcnuggers, and wendy's fries... we've also decided that next year, we're bringing dinosaur chicken nuggers.

Chicken nuggers are the fucking bomb, okay?
-Narwhal Sandkurt

Here's the real October post:

Ah, yes, October... the time when everything is dying and all the shows are coming back. There's a chill in the air, carved pumpkins all over the damn place, and all those fake internal organs make this month truly amazing.

Also, you can find gems like this on tumblr.com

I guess it really ought to be story time...

So, when I was younger and we lived with my grandparents, I used to go trick-or-treating around the neighbourhood (as most young children did).

There was this one house I was always terrified of going to every year because they always had this guy in a gorilla suit (I was afraid of gorillas, okay?).

One year, I went up to that house and I saw that they had the gorilla in a cage. I thought, "all right. This year won't be so bad." But when I turned around...

There was another fucking gorilla.

I almost shat my pants, to be honest.
-Narwhal Sandkurt

October... also a few other things. The bit about October will be explored a bit more in a later post.

I am fearful for the future of the cult of Skaaro, readers. I don't know how smoothly things will run when we go to high school as all of us obviously have different fortes and most likely won't be put in a whole lot of the same classes, if any at all.

Of course, there is still Science Olympiad, but I personally plan on doing marching band which means I'll miss a lot of meets at the beginning of the year.

Nevertheless, one of us on the high council's house has been flooded. Said high council member is currently staying with relatives, to my knowledge.

Also, it is finally October. I know I may not seem like the type, but I personally love Halloween, and October in general. This month is particularly fantastic because the leaves are changing, people are putting up fake skeletons and plastic ghosts and (hopefully) imitation internal organs, you've got the Halloween specials for almost every show out there and...

... Supernatural season nine!!!!
-Narwhal Sandkurt